The prisoned existence
Not alone, I
am not alone.
Though loneliness
is family now,
The endurance
has worked for sure.
Nevertheless,
the extent of it remains questionable.
I see happy
people all around me,
Smiling and
laughing and applauding life.
My brother
keeps convincing me,
Such circles
make you positive,
But I couldn’t
help feeling the opposite,
Day and
night.
At times,
the defining line vanishes.
Leaving me
in doubt,
With what’s
real and what’s virtual.
No, not
virtual,
More like a
dream.
Either this
society disappoints me,
Or I am not
the one for it.
Whichever is
the case,
I surely
need to get out of it.
Run away? No
sir, absolutely not.
It’s escape
that is in my mind.
From all of
it,
From all of
them.
All the
virtues of life,
Have shattered
in front of my eyes.
The purpose
has become purposeless,
And meaning
has lost its meaning.
It’s some
unknown force,
That’s
driving me from behind.
Pushing and
pulling,
Like a
puppet,
Attached to
rusty strings.
There’s a
fire, an urge,
To leave, to
say good bye.
I am just
bidding my time,
Smiling and
being normal,
Against my
will.
Brother said,
time heals it up.
Maybe I am
extra-terrestrial.
For me, the
legendary time,
Has only
deepened the wounds.
Father told
me, to meditate.
I couldn’t,
not that I didn’t try.
I fear the
darkness,
I fear
shutting my eyes,
Though it
has been an old friend.
And it brought
another friend,
Insomnia,
into my life.
Every day, I suffer in silence.
Every day, I
count my days,
Like a
prisoner,
Wishing against
hope,
To let go of
the memories.
Brother and
father think high of me,
I wish they
knew,
I might have
hit the rock bottom,
And couldn’t
find the ladder there.
The prison
has become home,
And I don’t have
any more hope.
Though the
flicker of good memories,
Help me to
keep myself sane.
I have not
given up,
But I don’t have
further expectations.
Just want
the peace,
That I used
to have
In my mother’s
lap once.
I guess, it’s
too much to ask for now…
