Social media icons

Thursday, 18 May 2023

Khan Market and its Cafes



It has been more than three years. Almost three and half years. Three years and five months to be exact.  

That was when I was last in this city. 

 

I am at a not-so-pleasant time of the year in Delhi. It’s hot. Like really, really hot. I looked at my watch just now and damn, it’s 39 degrees! Celsius, of course. I am still not that great with getting the Fahrenheit measurements. But well, as all the intellectual kinds love to say, I am a work in progress. 

 

Yeah. Haha. Go on. Laugh at calling myself an ‘intellectual kind’. 

 

That’s kind of amusing, albeit in a cringy way. Isn’t it? 

 

But well, humour’s humour. 

 

Alright. Back to the subject at hand.  

 

Khan Market and its Cafes. 

 

Back in 2018, I was in a very different position in life. You know, still getting to learn the etiquette of a big city like Delhi. Trying my best to be a part of the crowd. The kind of stuff that I guess every early 20-year-old tries to do in this city. Or any big city for that matter.

 

Now, right now, it all has changed. I mean, c’mon, we went through a shit ton of stuff in the past three years (three years and five months precisely). 

 

I can go on and on and on about all the stuff of the past. But I won’t. All I care about at this very moment is, how therapeutic it feels. To be inside one of the coziest cafes I have ever been to, the air conditioner blowing cool air on my face, when it is 40 degrees Celsius out there, even at 6:30 in the evening. 

 

I wasn’t a regular at Khan Market cafes back when I used to reside in this city. But I had been here a couple of times. Today, however, I am having a very particular drink; an iced mocha. And it’s good! 

 

Oh, did I mention the café’s name? it’s Blue Tokai. 

 

It’s nice, small, and cozy. A few couples occupy various tables, which is a usual scenario here. The waiters are very humble. Like, they know that you want to have some of your time, writing some stuff on your laptop peacefully. I put in my order – an iced mocha, and an almond cookie. 

 

It’s good. Man, it’s good. The mocha is good. It’s very refreshing. I kind of loved it. 

 

It’s 7 ‘o’clock now and I am thinking to order something else. My mocha is almost finished. What should I get? Any recommendations? 

 

So far so good. I mean, I can write on and on and on about each minute thing I find here. And sure, why not? 

 

It’s a culture. I have felt the same thing in Downtown Toronto as well. More than the foods and drinks and laughter and fresh brew fragrance, it’s about the culture. You come to this kind of café to do what you love to do. Some read books, some listen to music, and some, like me, write on cafes while listening to the 90s Bollywood songs. 

 

“Saat samandar paar main tere peeche peeche aa gayi.” 

 

I would have loved to bring my harmonica and play some music here. But that might have been a bit overkill. 

 

Maybe people would’ve liked it. Maybe they wouldn’t have. 


Another iced mocha, accompanied by a chocolate chip cookie this time, has been served. I, My friend, shall bid you adieu and enjoy my beverage at this cozy, little, and peaceful cafe at Khan Market. 


:) 

Saturday, 9 May 2020

ममत्व


जिंदगी यूँ एक स्पर्धा बन गयी है,
हम आज का सोचते, आज में ही जीते,
अपनी सफलताओं पे
गर्व करते, मुस्कुराते, इठलाते,
और हो भी क्यूँ न।
यही तो हमेशा सीखा है हमने,
जिंदगी एक दौड़ है,
जो जीता, वो सिकंदर,
बाकी सारे अंधकार के अंदर।

बस इस भागदौड़ में
अक्सर ज़ेहन से ये बात निकलती,
की किसने इस स्पर्धा के लिए
हमे तैयार किया,
हमे अपने स्नेह की सानिध्य में रखते
अपने आवरण से बाहर का दृश्य दिखाया
हाँ, वो माँ ही तो थी।

दयालु, प्यारी, मासूम
अगणित अलंकार हैं माँ के लिए।
लेकिन ज़रा गौर फरमाओ,
तो कही निडर, निर्भय, और निर्भीक है माँ,
जो कवि अपनी कविताओं में कहना भूल गए शायद।

आखिर कौन है ऐसा और
जो अपने हृदय के टुकड़े को
सालों के लिए खुद से दुर जाने दे

कौन है ऐसा और
जो अपना पूरा जीवन
सिर्फ इसी ख्वाब में व्यतीत करे
की उसके बच्चे दुनिया मे
अपना परचम लहराए।

ये माँ ही तो है।
और कौन भला।
तभी शायद कहते हैं
माँ को ईश्वर के
ऊपर का दर्जा प्राप्त है
वर्ना इतना निस्वार्थ प्यार
इन्सानी चरित्र के परे है।

माँ है तो
अस्तित्व है
माँ नही
तो सब विलीन

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

Book Report: 100 Things Every Designer Needs to Know About People

Source: dailydesignnews.com

Summary
“People seek out and pay attention to information and cues that confirm their beliefs. They don’t seek out—in fact, they ignore or even discount—information that doesn’t support what they already believe.” – Susan Weinschenk

100 Things Every Designer Needs to Know About People is a book by the renowned behavioral psychologist Susan Weinschenk that explains the various aspects of everyday design that is important to come out with a practical solution; something that is quite crucial for every designer to ensure that they meet the expectations of their clients with complete satisfaction.

Weinschenk has written this book, keeping in mind how the designers work for creating great user experience. It is for all kinds of designers – a website designer, a car model designer, or an engineering device model maker. The book put a lot of emphasis on the fact that the right kind of design for people is something that is greatly influenced by a designer’s experience of what she/he knows and understands about those people, for whom she/he is working on a design.

The book gives a detailed elaboration of differentiating between the good and bad types of design, based on the user's requirements and interests.

Why I picked this book
As an artist and writer, I have always been fascinated by finding out what kind of content people like and why they like it. Besides, I am also a student of Interactive Media Management and the core objective of this program is to learn about the best user design experience and how to implement it. The title of the book really intrigues me. So, I went through a few of the reviews online and decided to give it a go. 

My expectations from the book and what I got out of it
Before opting for this book, I went through several reviews by my professors, batchmates, and websites like Goodreads to get a glimpse of what it has to offer. I had been looking forward to honing my skills of observing the users in a better manner and design for them that serves the objective. Once I began reading the book, I found it meets all my expectations.

I found this book quite helpful in getting a clear understanding of how the design aesthetics work and what I should take care of while working on any design element for the users.

Key Takeaways
The book categorically divides people's perspective of art based on their emotions, interests, and decisions. it elaborates on the following aspects:

1.      What people read
2.      What people remember
3.      What people think
4.      Where people focus
5.      Motivations
6.      People as social animals
7.      What people feel
8.      Mistakes
9.      What people decide

Out of these 9 categories, the ones that I found quite crucial for any interactive media professional are what people remember, what motivates people, and what people feel.

What people remember
Every single minute, an individual goes through hundreds of visual elements in his life – posters, flyers, banners, online ads, television commercials, and many more. Hence, the attention span of every individual is significantly lesser than what it used to be a decade ago. As Agile coach and group fitness coach Geoff Mazeroff has stated, people remember only 4 things at once.  Therefore, a designer needs to observe what a user remembers amid the hoard of all the visual elements and plan his design strategy accordingly.
 
What motivates people
People tend to be motivated when they know that they are getting closer to their goals. They like it when they know that they have control over something that they own or want to own. As a designer, coming out with elements that give the user a more interactive control is something that will always satisfy them.

What people feel
Human beings are emotional animals. They are attached to certain people, places or objects such as specific food or sports. Therefore, by analyzing a user’s psychology and by focusing on their various interests and choices, a designer can come out with a product to which the user will feel attached, something that will comfort them and give them a feeling that it is all theirs.
 
My professional and personal insight
I found these key points quite crucial, both personally and professionally. Not only they are important to understand the user’s psychology in the best manner possible, but also to deliver the end product that meets the expectations with utmost satisfaction. As mentioned on Goodreads, this book combines real science and research with practical examples to deliver a guide every designer needs.

Besides, this book has changed my perspective of seeing everyday things to a significant extent. I observe my surrounding elements with a keener interest; doors, tables, chairs, staircases. This book has opened the doors in my thinking process that were closed and I didn’t even know they existed in the first place!

Tuesday, 17 March 2020

Half Life: Alyx – Will Coronavirus Pandemic Take a Toll on The Sales?


Half Life: Alyx is less than a week away and the hype it has built is chaotic. Though this shouldn't come as a surprise as Half Life games have a history of making the video game fandom crazy with each new installment.

With the Half Life franchise, Valve has always been eagle-eyed precise and careful since the very first game hit the shelves. Hence the reason why almost every Half Life game has set revolutionary milestones for the video games to follow, in whichever decade they were released.


With Half Life: Alyx, Valve is again set to cross the usual norms and venture into an untouched realm – Virtual Reality.

Virtual Reality is not exactly a new term. The technology has been around for almost a decade now and since recent years, it has been prolifically used in several applications related to medical science, engineering, and yes, video games too.

However, it remains an 'element of wonder' rather than something that is regularly used as an integral function of most of the system. Since Valve has always been known for daringly experimental with implementing the technology of the future in Half Life games, they decided to go for Virtual Reality this time.

Half Life: Alyx is completely VR based and will require a VR headset to play the game. Besides the trailer showcasing it, a few in-game footages were made available by the Valve that show the gameplay and how it would be to play with the VR.
 
Fans are on a frenzy. Though ensuring the Half Life games are the pinnacle of video games, Valve is also notorious for delaying the franchise for an unbelievingly long duration of time – The game, Half Life 2: Episode Three, was supposed to be out by 2010 but after numerous hints by Valve employees and the Big Man (Gabe Newell) himself, it hasn't seen the light of the day till date and is considered by many a vaporware now.

Therefore, the hype is real, very real.

This time, things are a bit different than ever before; the Coronavirus pandemic has engulfed the world and organizations across the globe are shutting down to prevent its spread. In a time like this, it won't come as a surprise if the overall sale of the game is also affected, though the presales have already been great and Valve is quite satisfied with it. 

Through the years, the fandom of Half Life has crossed the boundaries and has included people from several countries outside the US. The games have been extremely popular in countries like India, Pakistan, Costa Rica, Brazil, and many more. The love for the franchise has been such that the fan-created Counter Strike, which was based on the original Half Life engine, has become a full-fledged video game franchise itself.

It goes without saying that fans are eagerly waiting to see their favorite franchise return. However, there have been concerns related to it being completely playable in VR. Valve has announced that the Valve Index headset owners will get the game for free. The thing is, Valve Index is not really cheap. On Steam, the price is listed as $999. That is not the kind of amount a lot of people can afford to pay for a video game accessory in several countries.
In India, 1 USD equals to approx. 74 rupees. In Pakistan, it's equivalent to almost 160 rupees. Comparing the average income per person, that price is ridiculously high. Hence the reason why a lot of fans have objected Alyx being VR only and not having an option to play it as a conventional first-person shooter.

Half Life: Alyx will be completely Virtual Reality based. 

So, will a lot of fans in the third world countries are going to be disappointed and left without the game? Or will they have to wait till they can save enough money to play it?
Maybe.

Or maybe, they can go for much cheaper alternatives. Headsets like Valve Index, Occulus Quest, and PlayStation VR are at the upper ends. But if you really want to play the game and are looking for an affordable headset, you can try Dell Visor or HP Windows Mixed Reality Headset.

Half Life: Alyx is definitely one of the most anticipated video games of 2020 and as a video game fan myself, I can understand how disheartening it can be to not get your hands on your favorite game when it comes out. But if you are someone who doesn't care about the spoilers much and just enjoy the overall gameplay experience, whenever you get to, you might wait for a couple of months, save enough, and buy yourself a nice VR headset before entering into the realm of City 17.
 
As the G Man said, “The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.”

The abovementioned quote has no relevance to the topic of this article. I just wrote that so that you can get into the vibe of Half Life.

The Resistance lives!

Wednesday, 2 October 2019

A Wish Beneath the Moon



The moment I saw your reflection
I knew we were up there
Taking the course of correction

The green velvet, beneath my foot, 
I looked down, and saw yours beyond the moot

The time must have ticked away
In a different way
When the wind sway
And I felt your soft, warm fingers
Intertwining into mine 

What breeze! 
What cold, smooth, caressing, wind
Went past, ruffling your hair
That in turn, brushed my face with a soothing care 

And the fragrance in the air 
Or was it your soul 
Secretly seeping its gold 
That had a perfume of its own

From up the hill, the miniature town smiled at us 
With a warm gesture of its tiny blinking lights
Like thousands of fireflies waltzing in the night

And when you were too engrossed 
To be amazed at the beauty across 
It finally sneaked out of sky 

The first thing I noticed
The first thing I always wanted to notice 
Since eternity, beyond time immemorial 
Was to see its first light 
Showering your face 
In all its glory and bright 

God, it’s still so intense 
I can still see it all
As if that moment
That particular moment 
Has been forever seized in my mind’s fortification

The yellow-orange light
With a tinge of milkyness
Of which galaxies are made
When they fell on your eyes 
They glimmered 
And turned into mirror 
Where I first got to see
Your true spirit

And what I found
You ask?
Why, it was the same spirit 
That channelled in the one above 
That circular bliss 

It got bigger and bigger, very slowly
As I said, time ticked differently 

And so did the illumination on your face 
I watched mesmerized 
As it embraced your slender nose,
Those trembling lips, 
And ultimately, the entire face

It was right above you now 
Putting you in a natural spotlight 
The world indeed had stopped 
As I heard no sound anymore
Not even the fluttering of leaves
Or ruffling of grass 
Or swaying of wind

It all went into a trance 
Guess they might have seen you too 

As your pupils shut down slowly
Two pearls from the corner
Rolled down those ever-innocent cheeks 
And when you put your head
On my shoulder 

I couldn’t resist
Looking up at the sky
And at that huge round gem 

Never I had ever
Prayed for a thing 
My entire life 
But now I only asked for 
This moment to stop 
Till the time universe was alive 

And good gracious
My prayers were heard of 

You might not be here yet
I have got that moment within me
You might be at some corner of the world 
My hope is going to strive and grow strong
With every year passed

Because I know if I saw it happened 
It did happen 
And no power 
In this entire world 
Can create a barricade 
To that thought of mine 

I will wait 
I had waited 
And I will be
Till I get to see you once 

If not that 
Heaven will have a place
Where I will get you to embrace 
My soul 
Just the way 
I did yours 

We shall meet 
Under that enchanting ball of my spirit 
No, our spirit 
Sooner or later 

I will wait 

And we shall meet

Sunday, 12 May 2019

The Eternal Walk Beyond


Sometimes I fear, no one ever gets the vibe.
The journey I sauntered, the conquests I conquered
The adventures that enthralled, the unknown who always called
The glory with no audience, for which I never took offense
Sometimes I fear, this loneliness will engulf my existence
The shackles unseen, will take better of my perseverance
The lights dimmed, the tunnel beyond elongated
It is indeed terrifying, to think of life such corrugated
But wait a second, my past holds a grudging difference
I have just not survived, but have functionally evolved
And there is no reason why can’t it be ever resolved
No, absolutely not
No fear is as horrifying as me
Neither any solitude is as monstrous
I am going to thrive, move, survive
Not because I have passion
But because there’s just no other option
New age Constantine
Call me that if you want to
I would like to think of myself so
My kinsfolk say it’s a boon
I can’t help but think it’s a curse
Boon, curse, curse, boon
Can’t see any more why it even matters
All I know is the walk can’t be stopped
And it will never be
Maybe a supernatural
Takes care of it
Maybe it’s my subconscious
Working on the subjugated conflict
The walk, it will go on
For eternity
And beyond
Till the stars shine
Bright and low
I don’t know my fate
Maybe it’s getting too late
There is no happiness left
Neither is there sadness
All I have with me further
Is the acknowledgement
That I exist in flesh
Hence my shadow is a precursor
I walked, I am, and I always will be
Carrying the Neanderthal genes
To oblivion or magnificence
Only dear time shall tell.

Thursday, 2 May 2019

The Marriage Fever



The Marriage Fever

Out of nowhere, it turned chilly. Though everyone felt the unexpected drop in the temperature, for him it was a bit more than just that. It seemed that in the month of April, the ghost of winter that just went recently decided to spring back and shock him like a jack-in-the-box.

Toying with his pen, he looked outside; the rain was splashing hard against the windows, making them tremble. Drr drr brrrrrrr, drr drr brrrrrr. The trembling was quite rhythmic, he noticed, realizing he did it subconsciously. Drr drr brrrrrr….

With a bit of difficulty, he dragged his eyes away from the window. He felt irritated to be transfixed to something as mundane as watching rain splatter against closed glass panels of a window. But he thought it must be because he was not feeling like working today at all and his mind was actively looking for a distraction.

Thinking about nothing in particular, he opened the cap of his pen and started scribbling in his work diary. He gazed at the shiny, steely nib of his fountain pen. Seven months ago, he decided to write only with fountain pens and since then he never touched a ballpoint or gel pen again. He loved both the fountain pens he owned; one that he brought to work and another that he kept at home. Staring at the nib affectionately, he realized he didn’t just love his pens, he was quite obsessive about them.

The dark royal blue ink occasionally dripping from the nib, smudging his thumb and index finger, and the fragrance of raw ink wafting from the paper when he writes fresh on it - it is kind of exhilarating for him, making his mind spin in a soothing manner. Maybe it is because he travels back in past to those days in the fourth standard at Holy Cross when the students were allowed to use only fountain pens as a rule. Maybe because when he breathes in deeply the aroma of ink, he finds himself back in the classroom, sitting on the wooden bench, even if it is quite momentarily.
   
“You done with that article?” his team head, who sits behind him on the opposite cubicle, asked. “Already mailed,” he replied nonchalantly. Everywhere around him the keyboards were consistently hit. Pitter Patter pitter patter. Again, before he could have helped it, he noticed there was a rhythm to it too. How the hell on earth, he thought. Can’t be remotely possible. A dozen teams working on at least 50 different projects. Coders, designers, and content writers like him, all working on a set of tasks assigned to them specifically. How can there be any rhythm? How can there be any sync to the entire thing?

He looked at the clock. Must sleep early, must get up early, must exercise a bit. He said to himself. He has been doing it for the past seven months since he joined this office. Not that he never succeeded. He did sleep early, wake up early and exercise. But that was a handful of days in all those months. “Doesn’t really count, does it,” he said to the Van Gogh’s picture that was his desktop’s background image.

Wishing the day would pass sooner, he opened Facebook on his phone and started to browse through the posts. While scrolling down insipidly, he stopped at a post. Another schoolmate getting married.

These days, 7 out of 10 times he goes online on social media, especially Facebook, he sees a wedding post of some classmate, college mate, or a friend. This guy in particular, whose latest post he just watched, was a rather peculiar one back in school. He had this weird and annoying habit of grabbing students’ balls in the morning assembly queue, for no reason at all. He had been warned several times and once almost got expelled too, but it seems he was just obsessed with grabbing guys’ balls. Ball Grabber – they had nicknamed him.

What lucky girl got to marry him, he thought, looking at the picture of the Ball Grabber, grinning at the camera cladded in a heavily embroidered Sherwani. The girl, in equally heavy embroidered saree, was standing beside him, trying her best to smile at the camera. They both were drenched in sweat as if they just came out of the shower in those clothes. Why they even marry in summers, that too wearing those clothes. The mere sight of their picture made him feel suffocated all of a sudden.

He looked at the AC; a perfect 22 degree Celsius. Must be in my mind, he thought, loosening his crisply pressed shirt’s collar. He looked back at the picture again, at the girl. She must be around his age, most probably younger than him. Of course, if it’s an Indian wedding, chances are, the girl is going to be younger than the groom. But I am not the groom, he said to himself. Well, the guy is almost your age. You were together in a couple of grades, remember? He answered.

The girl seemed to be stooping by some weight, some kind of unseen burden. Is it the weight of the society’s expectations she is carrying that made her stoop that way? Is it the weight of the responsibilities that have been bestowed upon her at such a young age that she didn’t even ask for but that came nevertheless as a package for entering the life of a traditional Indian wife? He sipped the metal-tasting machine-made coffee and put the cup near his snail figurine.

She is just tired of all the wedding procedure and must be longing for some spare time to rest for a while. Stop being a philosophical ass all the time, he answered as the bitter, bad-tasting coffee slinked into his stomach through his throat. What a waste, he thought of both, the coffee and the institution of the Great Indian Wedding.

The pitter and patter of keyboards continued, so did the splattering of rain against the windows. Now both the sounds were working in harmony to create a third kind of rhythm. It seemed the clock on the wall behind him also decided to join them with its wearing hands tick toking their way. This, he thought, is not everyday shit, not at all.

"Auto!" he shouted, trying to stop an autorickshaw for the umpteenth time, but it seemed none of the auto drivers was willing to drive anywhere in this downpour, and the ones that were on the road were already packed with the passengers.

He never liked rains much. It’s not that he hated it, but unlike most of the people his age, or any age, was not much enthusiastic about it ever. Yes, it makes the climate better, he admitted, but apart from that, rains held no joy in his life. With a screech, an auto finally stopped.

Trying uselessly to brush some water off his shirt, he entered the auto, which surprisingly, was all empty. “Laxmi Nagar metro,” he said, and the auto jerked into action in full blast. To great annoyance, he noticed the dirt smudges covering his shoes and water droplets all over his chrome watch. Fucking rain, he thought, trying not to think of his shoes and the watch but without much success. He is an absolute sucker of shoes and watches. He just can’t explain this obsession, but it feels so elating whenever he buys a new pair of shoes or a watch.

It was not like this always. Now he thinks of it, this obsession started shortly after he got divorced. When his wife of six years left him for someone else and he was unable to find anyone to replace the gap that she left not just in his life, but his home too. As the auto sped against the needle-like streams of rain, he looked at his watch again. Time has been one thing that has been odd to him more often than not.

Suddenly, there was a flashing thunder that echoed for quite some time, followed by an unusual silence. Even with all the traffic jostling around his auto, it all seemed to stop for an instant. And then, it was back to normal. Much to his annoyance, he now realized that even the raindrops were falling against the canvas roof of the autorickshaw in unison. “What?” he was taken aback by the strange sound the driver made. "Nothing sir, I have some problem with my nose. So sometimes my breathing sounds like this." Till he reached the metro station, the driver kept making those noises at regular, coordinated intervals.

The moment he entered the station, his phone rang with his favorite Star Wars theme. “Yes mom,” he picked up the call. “You heard about it?” his mom’s familiar voice came from the other side, making him miss home like every time. “Heard what?” he asked, a bit annoyed in the lack of the question’s context. These days, he feels annoyed at even tiniest of things. His doctor warned him to maintain his calm otherwise he might have to start taking medicines to control his blood pressure.

“Mehtaji’s son married a girl against the wish of his parents and in rage, Mehtaji kicked him out of the house,” his mom said. “Tinku?” he asked, trying to sound interested, “Isn’t he 20 or something?” “That’s the thing, why he needed to get married at such an age, especially when it was time to focus more on his career.” He didn’t say anything. Since his divorce, he tries to avoid such conversations, but it seems that the universe smells his conspiracy and keeps throwing these to him.

“Well, his life. He is old enough to marry whom he wants,” he said. “It’s not about that!” his mom sounded a bit offended, “Are parents’ consent on it nothing?” He had no answer to it. “Can you please talk to him once? Try to persuade him to return home. Mehta uncle and aunty are really distressed,” she asked, sounding not so sure, knowing her son better than anyone else. “Ok, I will,” he lied. “Great. That would be nice,” she said, knowing that he had lied and won’t call Mehtaji at all.

This train was too packed. He decided to wait for the next one. It seemed every day, the number of people was increasing tenfold. Are there more people coming to the city and settling here than ever before, he thought. People cramped together in each of the bogies. So much population and still people just love to get married and breed indefinitely, he thought. Better I got out of it before it screwed me up good, he found some solace for his bitter memories that never stopped haunting him.

He saw a couple. Amid all the chaos, they were trying their best to squeeze out some moments of love for themselves, holding each other’s hands, smiling, gazing into each other’s eyes lovingly. All this while people were hitting people with their elbows, trying to stand stiffly like cactus plants, ignoring the commotion around them. He noticed the thin line of vermillion on the girl’s forehead. Newly married, must have been a few weeks, or months. Certain memories of days gone tried desperately to flood his mind, but he knows how to control it now. He has trained himself for long. He knows how to willingly create a distraction in a matter of seconds.

As the train moved ahead, he heard it again. Why, he thought, why today? I have been hearing it all for ages, since as long as I can recall. Why these random sounds are drawing my attention suddenly? It was not a joke; he was seriously pissed off this time. The more he tried not to think of it, the louder the sound seemed to get. Dudder dudder, durr durr, dudder dudder, durr durr. What kind of rhythm is this now? Damn, it is giving me a headache. All of a sudden, he started to feel suffocated, second time in a day.

Though he was never claustrophobic, it seemed that the train compartment was closing on him. “Excuse me,” he said trying to keep the crowd away from him. “Can you please just… just stay a bit away…” This is unreal, he thought, feeling his heartbeat racing rapidly and sweat drops trickling down his forehead. Are these people trying to squeeze me to death, he thought fanatically. “Next station is Indraprastha,” the automated voice of the metro lady boomed out of speakers and he felt things returning back to normal; the compartment expanding, people getting farther away from him. He hurried towards the door and got out as soon as they opened. Panting, he looked at the leaving train.

With a shock, he saw the couple, the very same couple who were making all those loving gestures to each other, were staring at him and smiling oddly. It sent a chill down his spine. Unsure, he tried to look at them but the train had already passed. Must be mind playing weird tricks, he said to himself. Slowly walking towards one of the steel benches, he sat on it and waited for arrival of the next train.

“Next train in 8 min.” He looked at the glowing electronic sign board. There was a pigeon sitting up it. It was dancing in a circle, trying to catch his tail with its beak, just like a dog. In circles. It was going round and round and round. The train slowly came to halt and he realized he was watching the pigeon for the last eight minutes.

“There is something not usual,” he thought, grabbing one of the supports linked to the roof of the train, “what exactly is going on?”

“Next station, Praga…”

The windows blackened, the coaches became empty. Even though he could see people sitting and standing around him, there was no one anymore.

“Man of habits, man of materialistic obsession," a voice came somewhere from the back of his mind.

He looked at the blackened windowpane and saw his reflection, a much darker version of himself.

“Man of everything that he can control with utmost preciseness,’ the voice said.

Was it the reason he ultimately left her? Wasn’t there absolutely no control that could have made her stay? Despite her repeatedly cheating on him, he tried to control it all by painfully ignoring the situation, and what it got him? More pain, more suffering, more trauma…

He has always been like this. Either he is crazy about what his heart desires and does whatever it takes to get it, or he just kicks it out far from his life. Comic books, video games, bikes, love of his life… There was never a middle path for him. His existence has always lingered on both the extremities. He only stopped obsessing over her when his mind finally accepted that she was gone for good. That's when he began obsessing over watches and shoes – the more materialistic ones, which won't leave him out of anywhere.

And this very obsession has prevented him to consider remarrying. Despite his parents pleading to him numerous times, he has always very stubborn when it comes to the subject. “I am not falling into this useless spiral of society again,” that’s what he always tells them.

“What the hell,” he found himself in a bit shock, “What happened? Is the metro moving?” he narrowed his eyes and tried to look outside. The train seemed to be moving but he didn’t feel it.

The door opened to the ultimate void. He could see the silhouette of people but why they appeared so ghostly? He slowly touched the arm of a woman who, naturally, looked at him in an aggressive manner. “Surely they are here,” he thought and exited the metro. He thought it was just the darkness, but no, it was actually a void. From where he was standing, there was no ground or sky, just a very solid nothingness. Trying not to panic, he turned back to enter the metro but too late, the doors were shut.

“This is bullshit,” he nervously swiped his sweating forehead with the handkerchief. Unable to think of anything, he tried moving towards a direction that he hoped would be the right one.

“Being a part of the society is inevitable.”

“You want to live here? You have to follow certain norms.”

“Go and be a Baba in the mountains? Why even bother?”

“Everything happens by a design.”

“Sun rises from east, sets at west.”

“12 months in a year.”

“There is a pattern to it all.”

“A system.”

“A harmony.”

“Rhythm.”

He knew the mild tremor was no more an incoming train. It was his own heartbeat.

“What I am supposed to do?” He pressed his chest hard, hoping to suppress his heart’s efforts to break out of the ribcage.

“Compromise? I don’t know how long I am going to live. How can I compromise on this thing!”

This was killing him. He knew it.

Gradually, even the memories began to become distant, when he tried to think of them, it felt like they belonged to a previous life, where he was someone else, something else.

Tik tok tik tok, his newly purchased chrome watch, he could see it amid the thick darkness, all of a sudden.

“What the…”

It moves.

It finds a way.

There is always a way.

Another way around.

“Well.” A gush of wind filled his lungs, uplifting him in the air like a helium balloon. He felt lightheaded, after a long, long time.

His black leather shoes came into the vision. And then his well-ironed black trousers, the black leather belt with its shiny metal buckle, and the bottle green full sleeved shirt buttoned to the collar and nicely tucked in the trousers.

“Yes!” he felt in joy.

“I won’t close my doors forever! I will find a way around!”

He felt clear in above, able to work on a plan, to think something, anything.

Gradually, everything else came back to vision.

As he boarded the next train, coming into existence one tiny particle at a time, he felt a mild suffocation, again. Worriedly, he looked around.

“Oh,” he sighed calmly.

It was the collar button. He loosened it, just like the way he always leaves it open. His usual style.

When a pretty looking girl standing a few paces away smiled at him, he didn’t feel feverish anymore.

The yellowish, sickening thoughts, he left them at the previous station. Hopefully.

Fin.