Monday, 14 November 2016
The prisoned existence
Not alone, I am not alone.
Though loneliness is family now,
The endurance has worked for sure.
Nevertheless, the extent of it remains questionable.
I see happy people all around me,
Smiling and laughing and applauding life.
My brother keeps convincing me,
Such circles make you positive,
But I couldn’t help feeling the opposite,
Day and night.
At times, the defining line vanishes.
Leaving me in doubt,
With what’s real and what’s virtual.
No, not virtual,
More like a dream.
Either this society disappoints me,
Or I am not the one for it.
Whichever is the case,
I surely need to get out of it.
Run away? No sir, absolutely not.
It’s escape that is in my mind.
From all of it,
From all of them.
All the virtues of life,
Have shattered in front of my eyes.
The purpose has become purposeless,
And meaning has lost its meaning.
It’s some unknown force,
That’s driving me from behind.
Pushing and pulling,
Like a puppet,
Attached to rusty strings.
There’s a fire, an urge,
To leave, to say good bye.
I am just bidding my time,
Smiling and being normal,
Against my will.
Brother said, time heals it up.
Maybe I am extra-terrestrial.
For me, the legendary time,
Has only deepened the wounds.
Father told me, to meditate.
I couldn’t, not that I didn’t try.
I fear the darkness,
I fear shutting my eyes,
Though it has been an old friend.
And it brought another friend,
Insomnia, into my life.
Every day, I suffer in silence.
Every day, I count my days,
Like a prisoner,
Wishing against hope,
To let go of the memories.
Brother and father think high of me,
I wish they knew,
I might have hit the rock bottom,
And couldn’t find the ladder there.
The prison has become home,
And I don’t have any more hope.
Though the flicker of good memories,
Help me to keep myself sane.
I have not given up,
But I don’t have further expectations.
Just want the peace,
That I used to have
In my mother’s lap once.
I guess, it’s too much to ask for now…